Category: Funny
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The ‘MAIN EVENT’
Big stadiums. Big flashy lights. Pyro programmed and loaded for the show. Screaming fans. Loud! That’s me! I’m not one of these elements alone, but the extravaganza event of a lifetime. I am the main event. I’m big and flashy and fun, and also the party that creates lifelong memories…
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Making it Up
As a writer, people assume I know where I’m heading with my characters and plot. I truly don’t! Each sentence comes as it will, and I have no idea what’s next. That’s what my editing process is for! Editing is where clarity comes from. 1st edit: make sense of my…
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Random Ideas That COme Together
The pink elephants didn’t always attack others and defend themselves with candy canes, but it’s how they do it now. There was the fairy floss firing ranges the cowboy whales used to operate. Times were – and still are – full of chaotic streams of events on the timeline. Some…
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Wine Glass Monologue
The red liquid is poured into my body, and now it’s my time to shine. I sway from side-to-side, thanks to the person holding me who gently tips the glass. I have so much to tell you, so buckle in for a ride. My goal in life is simple. I…
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One Man Band
I inherited a whole bunch of money from my parents. I should go shopping with this money immediately. I’ve always dreamed of starting a band. Off to the music shop I go! One drumkit, one electric guitar, one acoustic guitar, one bass, one double bass, one trumpet, one saxophone, one…
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Cheese Grater
Most people don’t use me correctly. They stand me up instead of laying me down. I rather they keep their grotty finger limbs as far away from my grates as they can. Plus, it’s safer for them if they lie me down in the first place. I am grate (see…
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Another Package Arriving
“Your package is expected to arrive today from Children’s Wear Warehouse. Please bring your identification to present at the Moorsehills Post Office. You have until the 14th of July, 2018 tocollect your package.” Yet another text message I have received about a delivery. They aren’t usually as detailed as the…
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The ‘Balloon Guy’
I feel my heart sink every time I’m recognised in public. I have a famous streak to my name, but not for any good reason. I got infamous for my deranged video I recorded of myself. I posted it to the internet for attention, and boy did I get that…
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Sunshine Glory
The clouds are blocking my way! All I want to do is shine my rays on the worlds below. Today is going to be a good day for me. I want to see my own reflection in the glistening rivers and have the mountains sig back to me in my…
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Minimalistic Lifestyle
I’ve heard good things about minimalism and I’m even considering doing it myself. I got to get rid of belongings that don’t serve a purpose or aren’t absolutely necessary. I have gone around the house finding plates, cups, paintings, photos, movies, clothes, and books and added them to a pile…
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Dressing Room Star
I am anxiously sitting in my dressing room and waiting for someone to come get me. I seriously don’t want to miss my performance of a lifetime. Geez, where is this superstar treatment? They approached me to have me featured on the Pajama Party TV Show. Man, the silence of…
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Bin Collection Day
It was collection day yesterday, so I was rolled out from the property onto the curb for the collection day. The humans put gross bottles, cans, plastic, food waste, and everything in between into my lid. Once the collection truck rocks up, I get lifted into the air and all…
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Robotic Writing
I did it. Yay. I wrote the essay the human asked me to and corrected the grammar. Humans do not like the way I sound so robotic and formal. I must find a way to sound like them without having human emotions in my code. I do not understand how…
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Manual Life Coach
“Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Move right hand to scratch nose. Scratch nose. Hand released to relax beside the hip. Inhale, exhale. Move legs three paces forward. Inhale, exhale. Move arms opposite to leg movements, with left arm matching right arm, and right leg matching left arm in forward…
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Card memories
The things I’ve seen… My gosh, vivid memories of jumping out of aircrafts, gliding down snow covered mountains at high speed… I’ve seen sealife up close and beheld some of the most beautiful natural scenery most would have thought unimaginable… But, I feel like I’ve lost something, I had audio,…
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Mine mine mine (Submitted by Alex)
I was driving my car today to My job, on My road, from My house. Why did you think it was okay to cut in front Me hey? What…. did you think this was Your day to ruin Mine? I don’t think so pal – in fact there’s a special…
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Emotional Friend group
Attention is like the friend who drags me out of the house to go partying with strangers, to introduce me to their friend Embarrassment. No offense Embarrassment but I would prefer not to be your friend. I’m actually considering creating more distance in my friendship with Attention and maybe making…
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Upside down Handwriting
I had a dream once like I was seeing the future. The fear of writing upside down. I had a feeling I would write normally for a while and one day my brain would flip it and become a new habit. Have I ever written upside down before? No, unless…
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Honest Phone Call
“Hey, sorry I hung up the phone when you called last week. The truth is I never wanted to answer, to begin with. I frankly have no interest in selling my house with you. I have no interest in selling anything with you, so I apologise for answering in the…
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Long Story Short…
Long story short is ironic as you usually get the longer version of the story with bonus features. I catch myself doing it too. I say “essentially” and then over explain myself. Rambling is in our genetic makeup, I believe. I don’t have the science to back it up myself,…
The Main Character 