The Main Character

‘When one door closes, another one opens.’

To you that may be inspirational to have yet another opportunity to walk into, but for me it is quite the opposite. When doors close, I am infinitely met by more doors opening up. An endless video game sort of Groundhog Day. I can’t pass it, I can only loop door after door after door.

Doors have become a phobia of mine. Not the fact that beyond the door is the unknown, it’s the trap of the repetition and having another door replace the one that just shut.

My head rings out with ‘knocks’ and ‘clicks’ of the doors swinging open and closed again.

‘Creeeak.’ The hinges wail as they slowly inch open to a door sitting directly behind the first door.

Infinitely the doors go on. Windows would be a good change of pace. I’d have somewhere to look out to; to see the world before being presented these ‘opportunities’ in these doors.

Windows. Maybe even walls, create a foundation and balance in life.

Doors are the opportunities presented to me.

Windows are the things that I can see.

Walls are the values I believe.

My life is all of these things. I am without balance. I have only doors that have potential to lead to great places but without personal boundaries or moral stances.

Maybe all that is the reason I find doors distressing. I have nowhere to walk into.