So instead of asking someone “How are you?” in a whiny, customer service voice and giving the prescribed syllabus of standard answers, I like to turn it on its head. Instead, I improvise a question that confuses the other person. Like “How many oranges does it take to elephant a mountain, but can you round your answer to the nearest country please?” I just can’t stand small talk. Guess how many prescribed answers there are for my crazy question? NONE! You can’t predict that shit.
“Hi, how are you? The multiple-choice answers are a) good, b) fine, c) tired, d) busy, or e) not bad.” My question can open the conversation up to absolutely any topic – only if the other person knows how my small talk works sadly. Tell me your actual feelings. Tell me a random word association you had with the words I spat out. Tell me a random fact that you know. Give me an answer crazier than the question. Let me see behind the mask you wear to hide your actual self. All conversations should start in this manner. I’ve talked about this for how long instead of small talk lasting 10 seconds.
We’re sticking with the small talk approach. Good! I can’t believe we went in circles to the nearest skydiver about that tangent.
The Main Character 
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